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Submitted on
July 22, 2009
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you, you died. you died in a way that no one ever expected. not from drowning or
drugs or even peacefully, in your sleep. you died from the one thing you said would
never happen. you let them suck out everything that ever mattered to you:
your surfing, your stupid video games, your best friend from kindergarten. even me.
even though you said 'i won't let anything come between us.'
i should have known not to take you literally.  

do you still remember that day?
when it was pouring and there was supposed to be a school fair. and
the teachers were trying to round the kids up but you took my hand and whispered
'let's go.' i remember raindrops and running through the woods and when
we got to the center of the forest, we kissed. and the thing that stands out
clearly in my misty mind now is that, when we parted, i saw delight and ethral beauty
in those seashore eyes and i like to believe that, however naive this fantasy may be,
i brought that light into you. and i looked up and that beautiful marigold sunlight
was streaming through the leaves and ruffling your hair. do you still remember that day?
because i do.

and what are you now, my ocean prince? a shell, a corpse
stuffed with their 'good intentions' and perfect ideas and
everything you never wanted to be. funny, you still have your smile and
beautiful shimmering eyes, but now that smile is brittle, on edge like it will break
if i say anything wrong and those eyes are radioactive blue instead of your once
oh-so-wondrous-robin-song color. still, i can only guess at the lies they fed you
intravenously, but whatever it was, you sure fell into it. and it's a pity this happened,
to lose everything you had, but i cannot tell you what to to. you pretend that it's still okay between us, that there's nothing wrong.
but you don't have to act now because everyone can tell it's over and
you're not the right shape to fit this hole anymore.

but, my beautiful wave-rider, i miss you.
and truth be told, i  know that even though nothing seems to be different,
the entire world has changed. this is the other side of everything and i'm sorry if
i made it that way. it is an black hole that has taken away your happiness, your
bright smile, and i wonder to whom all that belongs to now.
i would like to find him, if i could. but it is hard to leave you, even in this state -
you affect me still. what a shame it is, isn't it, that you influence me and not
that plastic barbiedoll girl you like so well now.
and i can tell you regret me.
um woke up today and i had to write it
idontevenunderstanditbut
yeah
hereitis
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:icondelanor:
I really like the second stanza, and how you don't shed too much light onto what exactly killed him and how exactly he is dead.
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:icon369dreamergirl:
369dreamergirl Jul 1, 2011  Student Writer
Thanks:heart:
In case you've noticed, I never reworked that one piece you critiqued (commented?) on. I'm just letting you know that since I'm traveling, I have very limited internet (at best an hour a day) and that isn't really sufficient for me to get into the feel of things enough to fix it up. However, I'll be home in about two weeks (give or take a few days) and I'd just like to let you know that I really do appreciate that you took the time to comment and help me, and that I'm not just blowing you off or anything.
So thanks again!:)
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:icondelanor:
You're welcome :3
Hey, it's no problem. I totally get that once internet becomes scarce, it can be super hard to get into the zone long enough to make any real edits. I would be doing the same thing. There's no point in making mediocre edits to something you want to make fantastic. I look forward to seeing the next draft. :3
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:iconjellybean0926:
Emotion like this is what epic things are made of. <3
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:iconwizeeyez:
WizeEyez Jul 27, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
i don't understand it either, but it makes sense in a way...in a way that makes it AWESOME!!! sorry, I just think ur poetic stories are so lovely!! keep it up! :)
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:icon369dreamergirl:
369dreamergirl Jul 27, 2009  Student Writer
hehe thanks
Reply
:iconwizeeyez:
WizeEyez Jul 27, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
seriouslyyyy ok??? yaaaah,

lol, have a nice day! :heart:
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