i thought i was dangerous until i met you

my heart beat blue, beat smooth,
smudging into the grooves
of your fingers like powder;
my heart beat gunfire,
pummeling holes in my ribcage.

it was shaking from the cold
of the pouring monsoon -
i was visibly moved.
intoxicated in your gardens,
smelling the song of flowers in my mind,  
i died:
died a thousand deaths.

here,
i quivered from the nonexistence
of your touch,
stumbling with the weight of unpayable debts,
the price of stealing away
your velveteen breath.

i spent all my life chasing after your time;
running towards sounds in the indigo night,
like a blind man's hands
reaching for the light.
i waited
i waited
(oh god, don't tell me how long i wasted)


yeah.

shouldn't have
sold my soul to the devil,
but he handed me a pen and paper
(and i signed
at the dotted line)
and when i turned to him,
i thought he had your eyes -

oh,
i thought hell was full of fire
but the truth is,
hell is full of longing
and it's empty of you.

(yeah, it's so empty without you.)